Meet Ivanka

That was the first time I remember being in Hell.

Things haven't gotten much better. They never do. It's Hell.

This time, after Rex leaped at me and I hit my head, I didn't wake up on the Plain of Torture, as I think of it. Things in Hell don't have names. Hell is not organized. I've realized, from the many times I've been there, that chaos and evil are closer acquaintances than anyone suspected. I've never met the Devil, and he's probably pretty busy, but I'd guess his office is a mess.

This time I woke up, or re-woke, near a seashore. I wasn't fooled. I touched some water once in Hell and it felt hot enough to disintegrate me. I was under the impression, at that point, that being in Hell meant that I wouldn't feel pain, but that was early on and I was very foolish or naive. The whole point of Hell is to feel pain, right? And there's nothing to eat or drink in Hell. The water is especially vicious. It's hot -- almost steaming-boiling-hot-- and it feels acidic, because it keeps burning after you touch it.

So I didn't go near the water and in fact moved back from it before the waves could get me. I stepped back over the gravelly sand that cuts your feet to walk on. I appear in Hell naked, like always, and I've never seen a clothed person here. Most of the people that I see are being tortured by demons or chased by revenants or burning in fire pits or hanging by their neck from trees in nooses made of barbed wire... you get the picture.

Remember, you can't die in Hell. If they hang you by barbed wire, you hang there suffocating but not dying until the barbed wire slices your head off. I've seen it happen. I don't know what happens to your head then but no matter what it's probably not good.

I crunched back slowly over the sharp rocks on the shore to get to one where I could sit and hide and think. I had no way of knowing how long I was going to be in Hell this time. Or any time. But as I backed up and tried to look around to see who or what might have seen me, I felt a hand on my shoulder.


I knew it was her without looking because her hand was cold. I don't know how cold you have to be to stay icy cold in Hell, but Ivanka does it. I was going to turn around but she did it for me and I was looking at a large set of breasts as she held me by both shoulders.

Ivanka is about 6'10". That doesn't sound large but it is because she's not a slender 6'10", she's all muscles and power and cold. She's a Valkyrie. And she has a crush on me.

She proved that now by leaning down and putting her mouth on mine and kissing me, hard, forcing her tongue into my mouth by forcing my teeth apart, her tongue then wrestling mine into submission as she mashed me into her breasts. I felt one hand holding the middle of my back and the other slowly caressing its way down to my ass, where she grabbed my left cheek and squeezed.

I couldn't breathe but it wasn't a bad way to not breathe. But I didn't want to be kissing Ivanka, not even in Hell and not even if this was some sort of a dream. I love Brigitte and also I'm going to be a mom, I think, and that ran through my head but then Ivanka's hand slipped around to the front and I felt her caressing me between my legs, and I went sort of limp and she laid me back on a large slab of rock, which was hot but she was icy cold and the mixture sort of worked. Her mouth went to one of my own breasts and she was licking my nipple and I just went along with it. Her head kept moving down, kissing my stomach and then I felt her tongue between my legs and she was really working me, I started moaning but had to bite my lips because I didn't want to attract attention.

Ivanka spun around and I saw her giant legs on either side of me. I stopped biting my lip and started licking her. I couldn't help myself.

So much bad stuff happens in Hell that maybe I wanted something good to happen. But I guess I'm just also easy. I wondered if I could explain it to Brigitte.

Then I came, and Ivanka came, and she laid down next to me and put my head on her shoulder.

"Ivanka, I need your help," I said.

Her eyes were really beautiful.

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